I believe that if you genuinely want to connect with someone, it's not about broadcasting your own agenda. Instead, it's about truly listening and responding to what they're yearning to hear. When you do this, it's almost magical how barriers drop and you often end up achieving exactly what you were aiming for.
Say what others want to hear and you will get what you want to get.
Take for instance an exchange with a certain "PersonX" I once observed:
PersonX: "What do you think motivates me? What moves me?"
Behind this question, there was a search for validation, a desire to be seen and acknowledged.
The literal answer: PersonX craves attention. They want to be seen, to feel important.
The compassionate response: "Momentum. When you are at the center of the action, making meaningful contributions, that’s when you come alive."
Why the switch? Because PersonX, throughout their life, felt sidelined, unnoticed. Their actions, seemingly minor to others, were their way of declaring significance. Using the term "momentum" painted them as a force, constantly moving, undeterred by the world.
In another instance, PersonX queried about their social preferences:
PersonX: "What kind of person do you think I like?"
This was less about curiosity and more about a self-image they hoped to project.
The literal answer: PersonX gravitates towards people with wealth and celebrity status, a tool for social validation.
The insightful response: "You’re drawn to individuals with positive energy, those leading meaningful and successful lives."
Here, the desire was twofold. Yes, there was an allure for the affluent, but PersonX also fancied the world of alternative healing, energy, and spirituality. Their quest was for a blend of material and metaphysical success.
PersonX: "I am educated and still broke. Why?"
A cry for understanding, a hope that their failures weren't entirely their fault.
The candid answer: PersonX's lifestyle choices and lack of drive were their undoing.
The empathetic retort: "The system is designed to keep you in debt, to control you. The game, corrupted by politics and power, is rigged against many like you."
This was less about absolving PersonX of responsibility and more about acknowledging the external factors that shape our lives. In their eyes, the world was an adversary, and they sought solace in knowing that they weren't battling it alone.
The trick, it seems, isn’t about suppressing the truth or fabricating tales. It’s about seeing beneath the surface, understanding the hidden desires, and responding to them. Speaking to the soul rather than just the ears.